In the last post, we covered facing the darkness that is inside each of us. We established that we are way more complex than we give ourselves credit for and we don’t know what we actually believe until we start facing ourselves. Like the desert, the inner workings of our soul and the “why” behind what we do can be vast, unknown, and treacherous. As Jordan Peterson said, “I don’t think that you have any insight whatsoever into your capacity for good until you have some well-developed insight into your capacity for evil.” It is the deserts and storms of life that reveal the true nature of our souls. It is in these moments that the hero or the villain is born.

In part four, we left off with identifying our motives and the why behind all of those. Recently, I went to see Spiderman: No Way Home with my brother. If you have not seen it, there are spoilers ahead. Also, it’s been out quite a while now, so no hard feelings. After the world discovers that Peter Parker is Spiderman, life becomes more difficult for Peter, his girlfriend, family, and best friend. In a desperate attempt to make things better for himself and his friends, Peter goes to Dr. Strange and asks him to cast a spell that will make the rest of the world forget that Peter Parker is Spiderman. Long story short, the spell goes wrong and pulls in villains and characters from some of Sony’s other Spiderman movies (specifically the ones with Andrew Garfield and Toby Maguire). Dr. Strange then tells Peter it is his responsibility to go find all of these villains and characters from different universes so that they can be sent back to their homes in order to prevent a rip in space and time. Eventually, Peter discovers that Doc Oc, Green Goblin, Lizard, and Electro all died in their universes fighting Spiderman. His Aunt May encourages Peter to try and help them, rather than send them back to their doomed fates. Instead of seeing them as villains, she sees them as broken people who need a fresh start. She tells Peter that everyone deserves a second chance and reminds him that he was raised to help anyone in need. At first, Peter refuses telling her that the right thing to do is to send them back to their fates so that he can help MJ and his friends. However, Aunt May knows Peter better than anyone else and reveals his true intentions. With Aunt May, Green Goblin, and Peter in the same room, the following conversation takes place:

Aunt May: (referring to Green Goblin) He’s lost. And I don’t mean just in the cosmos. I mean in his mind. Are they all like this?

Peter Parker: Yeah. Well, I mean, they all have their own mental or physical issues.

Aunt May: Well, he needs help, maybe they all do.

Peter Parker: Their chance of getting help is way better back where they came from. Sending them home, that’s the best thing we can do for them.

Aunt May: For them? Or for yourself? Look around you. This is what we do. We help people.

Peter Parker: This is what’s best for them. Trust me.

In this situation, Aunt May knew Peter Parker better than Peter knew Peter. She revealed his true motives with her question. As a result, Peter changes his mind and decides to help each of the villains become whole again. The point of this is that you do not know yourself as well as you think you do. In order to change yourself, you are going to have to get to know yourself as you really are. After you have faced your inner darkness, then you can begin to step into who you were meant to be. This is the part of our journey when we begin changing the narrative that was handed down to us.

What is a narrative? A narrative is basically another word for story. Each of us are living our lives according to the story we see in our past. For me, I used to read a story of rejection in my past and that story drove me to worker harder than anyone else to prove myself. I felt that people and God Himself had rejected me; as result, I was carrying around a lot of anger and shame. On the outside, people saw me as a machine that could not be broken, but on the inside I was deeply hurting. I was allowing other people and circumstances to put on me the label of “rejected.” As a result, I didn’t trust anyone and decided to take the lone ranger route because I thought, “Never again will allow someone into my heart to hurt me.” In an effort to protect myself, I soon found that I was losing myself to anger and bitterness, and would miss out on my calling. God began changing the narrative one night on one of my walks with Him.

After I moved to the Chattanooga area, I found myself taking many long walks deep in thought and prayer. Some of these walks would last for hours. One of my favorite places to walk is the Walnut Street Bridge, a large pedestrian only bridge that stretches over the Tennessee River. If you read my post, “Enjoy Your Suffering,” some of this will be familiar. When I got to the other side of the bridge, a phrase popped into my mind, “Your brokenness is the bridge to your destiny.” That phrase is perhaps what saved me and I believe it was from the Lord. From that moment on, I began reflecting on how every disappointment and rejection I had been through had actually ended up protecting me from harmful relationships, bad opportunities, and most of all, kept any pride in my heart from destroying my character. Over time, as I thought more and more about this phrase I started seeing my setbacks as launch pads rather than shackles. I had stepped into the fire as a boy and came out as a man. God had been slowly changing the narrative in my mind and heart.

Because the narrative had been changed, I now deal with setbacks and betrayals very differently than I used to. Do I still hurt when these things happen? Of course. The only difference now is that I am not devastated when these things happen; instead, my will is hardened even more to get up, stay focused, and fight harder for the dreams God has put in my heart. I feel invincible not because I am strong, but because He is strong and will never let any suffering in my life go to waste. Everything changed because the narrative changed and I started speaking over myself who I am what what God was really doing in my life.

For me, instead of seeing myself as rejected, I began telling myself that I was chosen by God, that I am His child, that He has forged into a warrior to do great things for His Kingdom. Anytime money was scarce or something unexpected happened, instead of thinking like I had in the past, “Oh, here we go again. God is just going to abandon me. . .” I started reminding myself, “Every setback is a launchpad. He is my provider. He knew this would happen and He already knows the end.” Looking back, God has always taken care of me and every time I get hit, I get stronger. With this mindset, the enemy will regret the day he messed with you and me. When you look back on the days when life tried to destroy you and when people rejected you, you can smile back with the confidence of knowing, “They have no idea who they created on that day.” So, what does changing the narrative in your life look like practically?

Confront your inner darkness.

As Scazzero said, we all have a shadow, which is the “the culmination of untamed emotions, less-than pure motives and thoughts that, while largely unconscious, strongly influence and shape your behaviors. It is the damaged but mostly hidden version of yourself.” You begin to confront your shadow by following the steps listed in the previous post, “Who are You? Pt. 4 Facing your Inner Darkness.” You have to go into the desert, that place of silence, where it is just you and God. You have to see yourself as you truly are, not as you think you are. From there, identify your motives by asking the questions listed in that post (i.e. What gives me a sense of purpose? From where do I get my sense of value? How do I respond to life’s interruptions?). Then, you need to ask what the “why” is behind each of your answers. If you found that you get your sense of value from other people’s approval, is it because you never got that from mom or dad? If you lose control of your anger when life interrupts you, is it because you dealt with abuse as a child and had little or no sense control? Only after you have faced your shadow, can you begin replacing the lie with the truth.

Ask, “What is true?”

Just as I had chosen to believe the lie what I was rejected, I had to choose to believe the truth that I was not rejected. When people had rejected me, God chose me every time. When I had failed, each failure taught me humility, how to do things better, and to show grace and mercy for others who were struggling to succeed. If you are a Christian, find verses that line up with the truth of who you are. For me, I searched for any verses that spoke about my identity as a child of God and that I was chosen by Him. If you are not a Christian, find quotes or form your own statements to replace what you have believed in the past.

Act the narrative.

This is where you make a conscious choice ahead of time to live out your new narrative. The truth is, life will never let up. You are always going to face trials. This is why I believe that the meaning of life is not to find happiness, but purpose. Happiness is a shallow and unattainable pursuit, which I will clarify in a later post. For me, when I know I am heading into a difficult meeting, working on a project that could fail, or am going into a Taekwondo tournament that I could possibly lose I tell myself ahead of time that I will not accept any defeat or failure as my identity. Jesus already chose me and bought me with His sacrifice on the cross. There is not a single thing I can do to add or take away from my value. I tell myself that whatever disappointment I face will only make me stronger and sharper. Because I choose ahead of time what my response will be, I am able to live according to my new narrative when life throws a curveball. Life cannot be controlled, but I can control myself. I don’t get it right every time and there are still times I take a loss harder than I should, but I am much more careful now about what I let into my heart concerning my identity.

Repeat, repeat, repeat. . .

Science literally shows that it takes up to three weeks to form a new habit or thought pattern in your brain. Anytime that lie pops up in your head telling you that you aren’t worthy of anything, you have to call it out and speak the truth over it. Daily consistency of repeating the truth over a certain thought pattern for three weeks will literally uproot the negative neurological pathways you have established in your mind. Then, over the next several weeks and months your new narrative will replace that old thought pattern with the formation of new neurological pathways. Because of recent discoveries in neuroscience, we now know that our fates are not bound by the narratives our pasts have given us. Keep repeating your new narrative until it is deeply rooted in your mind and literally becomes who you are.

With great power, comes great responsibility.

Earlier I referenced Spiderman. Spiderman had a choice to give into his bitterness and kill his enemies because they had taken his Aunt May. Just before Aunt May dies, she tells Peter that all too famous quote from the 1962 comic, “With great power, there must come great responsibility.” Right before Tom Holland’s Spiderman was about to make a terrible mistake out of anger, Toby Maguire’s older and wiser Spiderman reminds him of what his Uncle Ben told him before he died, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” Those who pursue greatness and wish for the power to change this world for the good will experience loss and hardship. At this critical moment in the movie, Tom Holland’s Spiderman had a choice to read a narrative of loss and give into revenge, or put his revenge aside to save the world. He chose the latter by having a community around him that reminded him of who he was and what his power was to be used for. Toby Maguire’s Spiderman was able to stop him before he gave in. Likewise, all of us have the potential to be powerful forces for good in this world and with that same power, we have the potential to do great evil. We need to tell ourselves the truth and put people in our lives who will tell us the truth, even when the truth is uncomfortable and harms our egos. Those who choose to read the false narrative are those who become the villains; and like the villains in the movies, the anger and rage that they thought gave them power ended up being their demise, as well as the demise of those around them. Your soul is of immense value. Don’t let a false narrative destroy it. Change the narrative. Your destiny and the destiny of countless others is on the line. Brokenness is a part of life; therefore, we must face it, accept it, learn from it, and use it to help those in need.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Teddy Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States